Monday, August 10, 2009

The Storms of Life

Okay, I know I haven't posted in forever, but I just need to talk for a bit.

I ask that you take everything I have to say with a grain of salt, because I may (on accident) offend you, and if so, I'm sorry. None of these comments are directed at ANY of you. There again, I just need to talk.

Here goes:

I am SO tired of hearing about babies. My husband and I really want a baby but we can't have one right now. That pisses me off. I am tired of hearing about everyone's little bundles of joy and how great they are, when I can't have one. I know that may seem selfish and childish, but I don't care, this is just how I feel.
I'm jealous. Yes, you heard me, jealous. PAINFULLY jealous of people that get to have what they want.
I am tired of being ignored. I have feelings, a heart, AND a brain. I'm not some random nobody that you can just walk by and pretend you don't see me.
I want friends. I don't care how desperate that sounds. I'm strong enough to admit that I need people. I'm so tired of feeling alone.
Some of you may say, "Well, you're never alone with God" and that's absolutely true. But I believe that God put people here for other people. I want people! People that I can talk to, share with, cry with, watch movies with, whatever.
I will admit to wanting to be loved. I don't feel very loved by anyone other than my family and my hubby.
I am tired of letting my husband down. He says that I'm not, but I know that I am. I try to fix it and I come up short.
Right now, I am feeling very lost.

Thanks for letting me vent.



  1. Sent you an email. Hugs -ara

  2. Savannah- I feel your pain. I can't have a baby and it is hard to be the only sibling in my family with no children. It is hard when they tell me that I don't know love until I have a child- like that should not hurt my feelings. Like somehow my life is meaningless because I do not have a child. Hang in there- you never know what life is going to bring you. If you would like an internet friend to vent to, feel free to email me- A big hug to you!

  3. Oh Savannah, you're not alone hon. Everyone feels this way at some point in their lives. When all of my sorority sisters were having babies and I wasn't I felt the same way as you. Heck I still feel a pang of jealousy when I see a cute pregnant woman walk by in a store. Please try to believe that you'll get what you want. I didn't have a baby until I was almost 30 and it was worth the wait.

    We always try to invite you to things and include you but we never hear from you guys. But I understand now that it might hurt too much. You DO have people who care about you whether you believe that or not.

    And just because you "think" that everyone has what they want, well, that's not always the case. Everyone is searching for something more. You can have faith in God, but you also need to have faith in yourself. I am not the most patient person. I waited FIVE years to be married to the love of my life. That was a tough time for me to wait for something that I wanted so much. But we just didn't have the money yet. You'll have your day in the sun even if there are "storms" right now.

    I hope you feel better soon. I've been there.

  4. Savannah - you are not alone and you have have lot of friends in blogland. Don't be afraid to vent. That is the wonderful thing about blogs - you can say what you want and get it off your chest. If people don't like it they don't have to read it. I do not have any friends in real life but I have met some wonderful people through blogging and it helps me to feel that I am not alone either.

  5. Hey Savannah, don't be afraid to let people know how you are feeling. You have reason to feel they way you do and being honest about it gives those around you the chance to help without trying to guess what's wrong. Don't feel bad about feeling bad.. we all do sometimes! I always thought growing up that when you were ready, you just had a baby. It is amazing how not easy is really is! I couldn't have any more after my first, my two brothers aren't having any, and we just found out my sister can't have any. Argggh. You are definately not alone. Feel free to vent to us anytime!

  6. I'm wondering how I missed this post.

    FH and I can't have babies... not without some expensive surgery and lots of risk to me.

    I know how you feel.


  7. Dear Savannah,

    Never apologize for venting. Your sadness and frustration broke my heart. My sister struggled for many years, and many nights I would just listen to her cry and vent. I'm very relieved to hear that things are looking better for you now.

    Thank you for leaving such a beautiful message for me earlier this summer. Thank you for the prayers and kindness. They helped me heal.